BullShizen Story 1#

Another weird story, I wrote this last night in a daze, half asleep, I was meant to write some sort of logical story  about stages of dreams but this was just ridiculous. I remember that it was meant to be a little weird, like the traditional Swaziland breakfast and the concept of the Swedish House Music Mafia but that was it. Anyway, just check it out:

Silent as the snow

By King.

Jayson woke up in a different bed that morning, unlike his red and green double bed, he was in a heart shaped bed. He tried to move but something was constructing his outstretched arms and legs. Chains. A breeze of snow blew over him, he was naked. A cyan coloured dog came over, hopped on the bed and proceeded to violently hump his face.

“Sod off Doggie” he screamed, and shouted but nothing could stop the dog’s Wang fluttering in his face. Thedog finished up and ran away, next thing he knew, Jayson was surrounded by members of the Swedish House Music Mafia.

“Yeah! DJ Sloviak in De Housegutterburgenhumgersmergainborge!!” yelled one of them in their native Swedish language yet Jayson did not know such a tongue.

“Where am I?” Jayson asked

“Wallet bonnet guttenborf” spoke one in a

“Money bunnywanty!” another replied

“Wolfgang Armada!” spoke the third

“You want Cash, check under my bed” said Jayson

They lifted the bed up with Jayson still attached and they found not money, but a portal to hades and everyone in the Swedish House Music Mafia’s face melted and their bodies warped into the portal and Jayson was left alone again. After seeing this, he passed out.

BEEEP! BEEEP!

An alarm clock went off, Jayson found himself inside another room, fully clothed and in his normal bed. “Whew, just a terrible dream!” he exclaimed. But the surreal dream was far from over, he turned in his bed, glad to know he has full use of his arms and legs again. But something caught his eye, a lump in his bed. He opened the sheets and found another person, the person outstretched – female, around Jayson’s age, brown hair, white skin and two interesting features, she ears of a cat and a brown tail coming from the back of her. He noticed something else, she was completely naked.

“Nyaaaaaaaaaa! Good morning love!” she exclaimed, wrapping Jayson into a tight hug and sighing the word “Nya”. While Jayson would be confused and a little excited to see a beautiful naked catgirl lying in his bed and hugging him, he had a deathly allergy to cats and then he instantly died.

Well not really. He was allergic to peanuts though, not cats, or girls.

“Good morning?” Jayson replied slowly, putting his hands on the catgirls bare back. “Sorry, who are you again?”

“Really, you were that drunk?!” she exclaims, saddened.

“No sorry! I just…well yeah I suppose I was what happened last night?”

“You wooed me over by buying me catnip!”

Of course. Jayson thought.

“Then we will exchange pleasantries again! Nyaaaay!” (I think she meant to say Yaaaay!)

“I’m Laura! Nice to meetnya!”

“Hi…I’m Jayson. Sorry but just wondering, I’ve never even been a catgirl before, how did I find you?”

“Easy, I was hanging out in a fantasy bar!”

“…ah okay”

Jayson looked around and saw something unusual, he was surrounded by about fifty thousand billion midgets all dressed up in funny outfits and all in his house.

“Wanna see something fun?” said asks. She then claps her hands twice and the midgets bring out two bowls of soup.

“Here’s a traditional Swaziland breakfast!” she says.

Just then he noticed a shrunken head in his broth.

“What the fu-”

“Heres something else, too!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands again and suddenly the midgets all got up in straight lines back to back. Then the midgets started tossing all the smaller ones around like juggling balls. Then those midgets with juggling around the smaller ones and those midgets were tossing around the smallest midgets.                AND IT WAS THE BEST DAY EVER.                THE END